Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
