At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
