So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize