if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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