The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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