we made out on top of his cat.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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