I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude i'm inner monologue high
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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