All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
