so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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