He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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