I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
