last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Drunk walkin through police station. America
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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