i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.