Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking