I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...