Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!