so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
