At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
