this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
