my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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