Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers