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TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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