Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no