i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize