I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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