I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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