You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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