mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize