guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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