i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize