I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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