quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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