Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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