You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
