if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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