my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
