new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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