His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
