At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
