They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
