I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
