So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
