If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize