Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
