Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
