Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
