They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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