So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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