Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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