you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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