Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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