My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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