UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
