we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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