if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
