I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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