hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
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Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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