I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
