butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
