Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
