I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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