You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
