Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
