i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
