We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
