shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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