to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
