See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
