We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
