I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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