did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
