Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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