Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
