You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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