I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
