take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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