I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
