Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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