You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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